Girls Small Group kicks off
Helen's open heart
What impacted your heart at CCDA?
Hearing spoken word and the workshop about fatherless children.
What did you learn in the ‘fatherless children’ workshop?
That God is the one that makes us and our parents are just the carriers.
The different ways that children without fathers express themselves to be noticed or if they don’t want to be noticed. They said some kids exclude themselves from everyone and everything, that’s the one that people notice more. But mine is the overachiever. People don’t see that as something that your father caused because he wasn’t there. They see it as you trying to move past that, but in reality it isn’t like that. You use it to get attention from people. So you can have the attention you didn’t get from your father.
So that’s what you think you do?
Yeah.
How do you work to overachieve?
I always try to be the best in everything. Even if I’m not I say I am. I guess that’s why I like competitions so much. I like being number one.
So that makes you feel better and you get attention?
Yeah. At least I used to. Now I don’t. When I do that and people give me attention, I feel good for that moment, but after that I want more. Like I’m never filled. That’s why I like that song by Kari Jobe. "You are for me." It says you fill me.
So God did awesome things through you at Teens Adelante the first Wednesday we got back. I asked you and two others to share with the whole group of girls what you learned at CCDA, and they were very attentive. After you shared we gave the girls a choice between you and two other girls to pray about different topics. Most of the girls went with you. Why do think most of the girls went with you? Because they don’t have fathers.
Did you know all the girls well?
No. One of the girls I’m close to, but the other girls I’ve never talked to about personal stuff.
What made you share that personal stuff?
It just came out.
What do you feel like God did through you that Wednesday night at teens?
It helped them relate. I was being vulnerable and helped them to put themselves out there and let them tell us their story of their fathers.
So what happened when they told their stories?
I felt closer to them.
Did you ask them to share their stories?
I asked them to share why they came to my group and they started telling their stories.
So what do feel like God’s doing through this?
I think he’s helping me to have an open heart for people. Not even people I’m close to, but people i never thought would be in the same situation as me.
So what are you gonna do to keep letting God use you?
Tonight I’m going to write verses about that issue to give to them to the girls so that they can help connect with the Bible. Also by being part of the new leadership team to get new ideas for teens.
Holy Teenagers
I am inspired through all I saw happening in these 5 kids, to have a whole lot less of me, and a lot more of them. Even if it doesn't make sense to do it that way, even if they fail, even if I don't know how to do that, I'm ready to let them lead in the passions they have in our KCK community and within Teens Adelante. The Lord stirred their hearts in regards to the wounds of the fatherless, multicultural worship, art as a vision caster for community, and partnerships between youth and adults. I will never have their heart for this community. I wasn't raised here. I have to trust that they know what their community needs.
I had a dream the last night we were there. It was a nightmare actually. And when I was tempted in a representation of my sin, and then in danger, one of the teens grabbed my arm and walked me out. As I woke I felt the Lord gently saying, "You thought you were saving them. They are saving you." They are teaching me how to lay down my pride, how to operate out of trust and not knowledge, how to be generous in all I have, how to bring my sin and vulnerability into community. Praise Jesus for his upside down Kingdom. He is so full of Grace. I really thought I had a ministry to immigrant teens. I'm starting to wonder if it's really a ministry to me. I have so much to continue learning from them in my heart and my mind and a deep, new found respect for teenagers. They are so Holy. Holy teenagers. That doesn't even sound right, but my heart is discovering that they are truly Holy; Chosen.
Tradition
Recently I watched a friend's little boy perform traditional dances from the Mexican state they are from; Chihuahua. As I watched the kids enthusiastically perform and yip joyful cheers, "Chihuahua!" my heart was touched at the memory that these parents are instilling in their children. They don't want to forget where they came from.Last week, as some of the teen girls told me about the hours of church services they had to go to each night I found myself sympathizing with them. Then as I took Sabbath rest on Friday, and began to pray into what that 3 days of separation from the Father must've been like, a new reverence began to form in me. My heart was aching. I wished I would've had a symbolic dinner, in remembrance of the Last Supper, and Jesus' presence with his loved disciples.
I felt sorrowful on Friday, thinking about how he anticipated all that darkness, "And being in anguish, he prayed more earnestly, and his sweat was like drops off blood falling to the ground." Luke 22:44. I felt sorrowful as I imagined how He must've felt. I longed do something special, something symbolic to tell him "My heart remembers."
Then as Sunday came, the day passed by so quickly, filled with family and food. And this week, as I talked with one of the teenagers, we discussed traditions. I told her about David and I's longing to figure out how we can remember, really remember in our hearts, what the Lord has done for us. I asked her what she would to do on Easter, if she was in charge of her family. She delightfully replied, "I'd go roller-skating!" I had to rejoice in her freedom. As we continued on, she gasped as I said the word Lent, and said she didn't want to 'give anything up.' I realized in her reaction, that I often react the same way; as if I am being forced to do something, or give something up. Just a few days earlier I had reacted this way about the hours of church services. I explained this new desire of mine to this girl and my heart was clarified. I want to acknowledge Him in a way that is just my heart. I don't want to resentfully attend or sacrifice. I want to remember. That is; to not forget where I came from.
Then I talked with another teen girl this week, about her coming Quinceanera (Mexican coming of age celebration), and she told me about the traditions of the state in Mexico that her family is from. "I love your traditions." I told her. "You do?" She replied. Her response made me realize how all of my questions and confusion must appear when my Latino friends describe traditions to me. "Yes I do! I wish that I had traditions like that." And as she continued, I could see the sense of belonging, of knowing where she came from, because she was doing something that acted upon her history.
This Easter, I find myself aching for my Heavenly belonging, inspired by traditions of Mexico and of often misunderstood liturgy. I pray that the Lord helps my husband and I form traditions that are rooted in the gratitude planted in the depths of our hearts; that demonstrate our history.
Here's a bit of where I came from:
"He brought me out into a spacious place; he rescued me because he delighted in me." Psalm 18:19
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